Sometimes you have to be selfish to be present
Earlier this week, I took the day off and had a “me” day. The day was my selfish day filled with whatever I wanted to do. This week also marked our 20-year wedding anniversary. As you can imagine, being married for 20 years is not all roses. Marriage is hard. We have certainly had our ups and downs through the years, but one important thing we’ve accomplished is growing in the same direction together. We have two beautiful girls, and a couple months back, we began fostering a 2-year-old boy. Anybody who has kids (or doesn’t for that matter) knows that overall, kids are a joy, but the responsibility can put a lot of strain not only on a person, but also on a couple. When we brought this toddler into our lives recently, things got flipped upside down quickly. Our two children had already been gaining their independence and had moved beyond diapers and tantrums (well, except for that budding tween). Then, suddenly, we went back in time. I won’t lie. It has been stressful. Add to this the responsibility of leading a large team in my full-time work. This is why self care is critical. My “me” day was filled with the things that I’ve been wanting to do for quite some time (mom obviously gets “me” time too). I spent the morning moving at a snail pace, I had some introvert time writing, I went for a long, quiet walk alone with my wife, I finalized our anniversary festivities (which includes a much-needed couples massage), and I met up with an old friend for a drink later in the day. Overall, my “me” day was a success. The fact that we are able to foster a child (my wife’s passion) and that I was able to have this “me” day left me feeling much gratitude for our financial independence. Financial independence provides freedom in many ways.
Money buys happiness, but its not about the money
I have learned over the years that in order for me to be at peak performance for my family and for my career, feeling mentally at my best, I have to put my own oxygen mask on first. It is very difficult to keep all buckets full and balanced, between career, marriage, kids and my own self discovery and development. I have failed miserably at times – many, many times. I am not perfect by any means. One thing, however, that I don’t have to worry about in the mix of all of this is money. I realize that several people reading this have money troubles. If you’ve read my history, you know I grew up with very little. But, what I’ve learned is that money does buy happiness…to approximately $75k per year. Studies have shown that money alters a person’s state of happiness up to that $75k/year mark, but beyond that, it does little to enhance your emotional well-being. When people have met their basic needs (like housing, food, healthcare, etc.), money does little for happiness beyond that mark. Financial independence means more than the money you have in the bank. It means security. It means TIME. It can impact your relationship, it can impact the state of your mental well-being, it can alter the course of your future.
The things that matter most are made possible by financial independence
Financial independence means that you have enough saved or enough of a passive income stream coming in that you do not need anyone else (employer, creditors, etc.) to provide for you (or your family) to meet your expenses. I wrote about how to calculate that previously. By moving beyond debt and the burden of monthly payments, you free yourself to new possibilities. Some of the things that become possible with your financial independence include:
- More time for yourself. By removing money worries, you free yourself to focus on your own self discovery. You have the time and freedom to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally.
- More quality time with family. Whether you have a partner or you also have kids, your family is your center. Your family is a major part of your legacy. I want to release people to the world who will make a difference and make things better for everyone. When the pressure for more money isn’t there, you don’t feel the pressure to fill your career bucket while neglecting the family bucket. The time you spend being truly present with your family is an investment with big returns.
- Time to discover passions. How many times have you said “tomorrow is another day?” When a person spends their existence keeping up with a certain lifestyle, they are focusing on servicing debt, making payments and so forth. That is energy being taken away from discovering new aspects of yourself and your passions. With money worries out of the way, you can carve out room for the things that get you fired up. And when you chase your passions, chances are, you’ll live a longer, richer life.
- Ability to explore new places. As a kid who grew up in poverty, my first trip to Europe in my mid-20’s (on my company’s dime) was mind blowing. This trip opened up my mind to new places and increased my appetite for world travel. I never imagined this would be possible. We have since traveled to several countries and have opened our kids up to other cultures and ways of living.
- Ability to call the shots. Whether you love your job or despise it, there are certain aspects of everyone’s job that they wish they could escape. Whether it is a ‘rat race’ mentality or just doing the same thing day in and day out. When you become financially independent, you become more empowered to choose what you want to do with your time. The time becomes YOURS and how you “sell your time” is your decision. And even if it is sticking to the same career, I guarantee you’ll experience things through a new lens when you know that your being there is your choice.
- A position to help others. Lastly, when you are in a position of financial independence, you are in a better position to help others. This is why I started the Good for Your Wealth blog, for instance. My mission is to help others down the path. And help children before they become major consumers and get too deep. When you’ve made it, you can comfortably dedicate your time and resources to the causes that matter to you most. This could be stamping out hunger, rescuing animals or a myriad of other causes where you feel called.
You have the power in you to start or keep moving down your path
Whether you’re just starting out or are already well down your path to financial independence, know that you have it in you to keep moving. Whether your debt is a mountain or a molehill, taking small steps today will make a big impact. Whether you’re further behind than you want to be with retirement savings, just understand that there’s still time to course correct. There is a community here to help you.
At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.
Albert Schweitzer
Giving gratitude
As we approach Thanksgiving Day, I want to express my gratitude to all of you, my readers, for allowing me to be part of your journey. And also, for being a part of mine. Several of you have personally reached out for guidance. I have enjoyed providing support.
As you spend time with friends and family, take some time to reflect on what matters most to you. Think about the role that money plays in helping you achieve the things on your ‘what matters most’ list.
If you feel compelled, as you visit with family, share the Good for Your Wealth blog and Good for Your Wealth Facebook group to invite others in on this journey.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!